adidas trainers sports direct John Oliver begs sponsors ‘Make Sepp Blatter go away’

adidas cargo shorts John Oliver begs sponsors ‘Make Sepp Blatter go away’

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John Oliver blasts FIFA on ‘Last Week Tonight,’ callsfor Budweiser, Adidas and McDonald’s to ‘make Sepp Blatter go away’ John Oliver begs sponsors ‘Make Sepp Blatter go away’

BY Bernie Augustine


Updated: Monday, June 1, 2015, 11:46 AM

BY Bernie Augustine


Updated: Monday, June 1, 2015, 11:46 AM


John Oliver had a week to craft his FIFA takedown, and the HBO host didn’t disappoint.

Oliver lambasted FIFA and its fifth term president, Sepp Blatter Sunday night on his “Last Week Tonight” program, calling on the only people with any actual power to do something the sponsors to wield their power and, well, do something about Blatter and FIFA.

“I would like to make a plea to them tonight: Please make Sepp Blatter go away. I will do anything. Adidas, I will wear one of your ugly shoes. One of these shoes that make me look like the Greek god of aspiring DJs. McDonalds, I will take a bite out of every item on your Dollar Menu which tastes like normal food that was cursed by a vindictive wizard. And I will even make the ultimate sacrifice: Budweiser, if you pull your support and help get rid of Blatter, I will put my mouth where my mouth is, and I will personally drink one of your disgusting items. I’m serious. It could be a Bud Lite. I will even drink a Bud Lite Lime, despite the fact that all the lime in the world cannot disguise the fact that this tastes like a puddle beneath a Long John Silver’s dumpster. But I will do it. I will drink one maintaining eye contact with the camera and say it’s delicious, because if you get rid of the Swiss demon who has ruined the sport I love, this stuff will taste like f king champagne!”


Oliver saved his best for last, closing out the show with his FIFA rant. This was the British satirist’s second attack on soccer’s global governing body in less than a year. During last summer’s World Cup, he took the opportunity to trash the “comically grotesque organization.”

But on Sunday night, his focus was on the 47 count indictment that led to 14 arrests, including the arrests of nine FIFA executives, in a mob like roundup that took place in multiple countries and included racketeering, conspiracy and money laundering charges.

“The problem is all the arrests in the world are going to change nothing if Blatter’s still there, because to truly kill a snake you must cut off its head or in this case, its a hole,” he said.

“But if America keeps driving this investigation and actually finds something to indict him, I don’t think you would understand how much that would mean to every person on earth. The whole world’s opinion of America would change overnight. Let me put this in terms you might understand: If the Dutch somehow found a reason to extradite and lock up Donald Trump, you would think, ‘Holy s t! The Dutch are awesome! The Dutch are amazing! What a country!’ That is what is on the table for you, America.”

John Oliver closes out Sunday’s ‘Last Week Tonight’ with an epic takedown of FIFA and Sepp Blatter.

“It took the country that cares the least about football to bring down the people who have been ruining it,” Oliver said. “That’s like finding out that Kesha arrested a group of bankers involved in commodities fraud.”

Here are some more gems from Oliver:

“Weather services should start offering FIFA warnings, saying “A stadium is being planned in your area. Evacuate immediately.”

As for Blatter saying that he can’t “monitor everyone all of the time,” Oliver said: “You are basically Charles Manson saying ‘Listen I’ve got a big family, I don’t know what Squeaky gets up to half the time.'”

“Hotel sheets are very much like FIFA officials. They really should be clean but they’re actually unspeakably filthy and deep down everybody knows that.”
adidas trainers sports direct John Oliver begs sponsors 'Make Sepp Blatter go away'